her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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