Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
