We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
