I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
