I'm going to jail i love you
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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