I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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