she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
