Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We are two peas in an std pod
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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