Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
