she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
