bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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