He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
