my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
