anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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