yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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