he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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