i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
