in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
