I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
