I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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