Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
