I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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