I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
