Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
