i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Let's get the cat blown out
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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