Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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