It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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