bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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