He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
