She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
