Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
