They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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