My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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