I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
