I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When are your genitals available?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
