I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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