I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
