yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
