Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
