I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
