If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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