I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
