I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
