i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
