i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
