we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need moral support for this bender
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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