"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
