last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
