I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
