Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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