Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
